/ The RE's Muse: August 2006

The RE's Muse

After 4 years of infertility, 2 surgeries, 1 miscarriage, and 19 months of high risk pregnancies, hubby and I now have two little women in our lives--one a toddler, the other not far behind. Buckle your seatbelts, it's gonna be a wild ride.

Thursday, August 31, 2006

A non-event...

that's what Ernesto was. A bit of drizzle, some wind, nothing out of the ordinary. We've had daily afternoon thunderstorms roll in that were worse...and that's fine by me.

Now that that's over, I can turn my attention to more worrisome issues--like my monthly OB appointment tomorrow, where I'm worried they'll get on my about how much weight I've gained so far (though earlier this week, the peri said i looked good, which shocked me). And of course, there's the amnio appointment next Thursday.

For weeks now, I've been heading into that appointment very laid back, very matter-of-fact, all "we did this last time, it went smoothly, we'll do it again." But now, after hearing about Disney Baby's (http://disneywonderbaby.blogspot.com/) recent negative amnio experience earlier this week, I'm getting more worried the closer my amnio day gets.

In all honesty, the amnio with J could not have gone any smoother. There was very little pain, only some slight discomfort/pressure as the fluid was withdrawn. It was over in about two minutes, there was no leaking or bleeding or anything of that nature afterwards. It was so completely different from what I had built it up to be in my head.

But knowing that no two pregnancies--no two anything for that matter--are alike, I can't help but wonder if this one will be the one that hurts, that makes me leak or bleed or worse afterwards. Then I wonder if we're doing the right thing, if maybe I shouldn't have done the quad screen earlier, maybe it would have come back within normal limits and we wouldn't need an amnio...or maybe it wouldn't have. But I can't second guess myself now.

I'm running on fear these days; a fear that grows daily. T minus 7 days and counting until the fear comes to a boiling point. Until then, I try not to think about it too much.

I spend my days/hours/minutes enjoying the bliss that is my daughter. Watching her run, and laugh, and dance, and do so many new things with each passing day. Reveling in the love when she comes and sits on my lap, or runs to me with open arms to give me a hug, when she shares her crackers with me, when she snuggles with me on the couch...experiences that I store in the hope chest of my heart. It helps keep the demons at bay.

Monday, August 28, 2006

Bite me

People--we've got more teeth! Yes, two months after the first tooth made its appearance, J sprouted two more in the past week. Add to this the fact that she appears to be sprouting one heck of a cold sore on her bottom lip (A gets them every so often, me--never had one, knock wood) and she's been in a right state. But so . damn . cute and growing up so quickly. Sniff, sniff.

In dos-related news, today's peri visit found everything status quo. I've gained a whopping 16 lbs. to date...I'm sporting quite the "food baby" above the real deal. Even with J, I never had one of those cute pg bellies; I had the odd looking two belly phenomenon--one above my belly button, one below it. Nary the two did meet until my last week pregnant when, apparently, they merged into one happy entity given that each had outgrown the confines of their geographical areas. It appears that I'm on track to duplicate this attractive look this go'round as well. At this rate, I'm gaining a pound a week, so total should be 40 or so lbs. by my EDD...right on track with what I gained with J.

In other news, is anyone else getting tired of this hurricane crap? Nah, probably not since not too many (if any) of y'all are located near me. Here the newcasts have already gone all doom-and-gloom all the time. Panic is spreading, gas lines are currently hours long and growing, non-perishables are already in short supply in local grocery stores.

Once again, we find ourselves in the potential line of fire and once again, I can't work myself up into a frenzy of worry over this. We've made it through other storms in recent years, we'll make it through this one too if it comes this way. Perhaps we'll have some inconveniences--loss of electricity, loss of 'normal' routine, long lines for food, ice, gas, etc., but really, it's nothing compared to what others have dealt with in recent years.

Which brings me to the anniversary of Katrina and the hardship so many in New Orleans, the Mississippi gulf coast, and those scattered to points farther (Houston, Atlanta, Florida, etc.) suffered. I'm not one to push any agendas whatsoever, but if you haven't yet seen Spike 1ee's Katrina documentary on HB0, check it out. It's eye-opening, IMHO, and it truly shows you just how badly FEMA, local and federal governments and insurance companies failed our fellow countrymen. I can't wrap my mind around how FEMA could so badly botch things for them when our experiences with them here in 2004 after Frances and Jeanne were smooth. I know we're talking about different governments (Florida's has been lauded for its emergency preparedness planning), different storms, damages on a grander scale with Katrina...but where was the organization, where was the assistance, and how do we know it won't happen again in the wake of another grand-scale natural disaster?

In the meantime, just in case Ernesto is coming our way, we'll prepare our emergency supply kit and batten down the hatches, probably tomorrow, and if you don't hear from me for a few days, know that we're probably okay--maybe hot and sweaty, eating off the grill/out of cans, and smelling of insect repellent and gasoline from our generator, but we'll get through it.

Just like I'll get through that amnio...a week from this Thursday.

Monday, August 21, 2006

What I want

It seems like it was mere days ago when we brought Juliana home from the hospital. Those early days of confusion--of 'is it night or day?,' when did I last shower, have I brushed my teeth today? They all run together and form a blur of memory. It went by so quickly in hindsight but yet so slowly as we lived it.

Watching her learn to hold her head up during tummy time, her first smile (oh how my heart sang! how all of the late nights and lack of sleep faded in the glory that was that first intentional grin), the very first giggle. Sitting up on her own, holding her own bottle, crawling, walking.

So much has gone by, so many firsts, but yet there is still so much ahead. Some days I wonder where the time has gone, how 14 months have all but flown by. I also look to the future, wondering what it holds for Juliana, for me, for A, for all of us. How will the dynamics of our family change given the dos's impending winter arrival?

I'm excited at the prospect of parenting another child. More cherished memories; I'll get to be witness to another round of firsts, and another piece of my heart will forever be worn outside of my body.

I always wondered if I'd be a good mom. Having a crap mom does that to you, makes you question your own abilities. When I stop and think about what it is that I want most of all in this whole mothering gig, I have to say that I want my daughter (and the dos, be it male or female) to be proud of me, to know that I did my best, to know more than anything that I love them unconditionally and always will...

and that's a fact.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

On the mend

Better living through pharmaceuticals...that's long been my motto. Glad to see it came through again. After one meager dose of a category B antibiotic, I began to feel better Monday. Now with three days worth coursing through my system, I'm a new gal. I have risen from my own ashes. Two more days to go.

Miss J's lesions did not worsen and she did not get any more of them. We still don't know if it is/was pox or not but if so, it's very mild and the worst of them should be gone in a matter of days. I've had the vaccine (back in Sept. 05) so odds are me and the dos are 85%+ protected. With that in mind, I ended my own three-day quarantine and got to love up on my girl once again. It was a lonely weekend spent in bed, listening to her and A play in the house while I was cooped up miserably hot and cold.

Onto the third leg of the sickness trilogy, yesterday I had my abscess lanced--a good time I tell you. The worst of it was the lidocaine; there's just something about all that liquid fire going into some sensitive ribcage tissue that really hits you where it hurts. This is the second time it's abscessed in the past year. Once the dos arrives and I've had no flare ups of the wound for 3-5 months, I'm to schedule an appt to have it removed. Thankfully. Seriously, that day can't come soon enough 'cause talk about gross.

How about a happier, not-so-gross topic? Miss J--who had been a rightful pill for much of this past week--has just had her second tooth cut through. Yes, you read that right. 14 months old and just getting a second tooth--almost two-and-a-half months after she got her first one. At this rate, she should have all her teeth in time for pre-K a couple years from now. But my gosh, is she cute. And don't think that having only one tooth lo these past two months has stopped her from noshing on some serious grown up foods--like steak, chicken strips, and watermelon (sister loves her some watermelon!).

Another happy topic: the dos. Hello second trimester! We told the family about the dos this past weekend and then told our geographically spread friends in an e-mail that begat many kind responses. I'm starting to slow down these days: my gravity center is shifting, some sciatica has been making its presence known, but the dos--who swims about when pressed with the doppler, whose heartbeat still manages to take my breath away, who makes me softly say to myself as I listen intently, "stay baby, please stay"--wakes my love up a little bit more. And makes me cry buckets (and yep, Frances, they're grateful tears) on a daily basis; dang hormones.

I'm grateful for every day, every iota of this journey. It is a trail I never thought I'd get to take, a path denied to me for four long years as we tried to make our family of 2 a family of 3. I take a lot of pictures of Miss J, and I can't wait to do the same with the dos as our family of 3 becomes a family of 4...to document, to remember...though there are many more precious images stored in my head and burned into my heart. I will treasure them always.

And now, I'm off to cry again--a symptom of pregnancy I did NOT have the first time around, but it's all good.

Monday, August 14, 2006

When it rains, it pours

So Saturday afternoon, I got a sudden sore throat and aching joints. Fast forward a few hours, I've got a raging fever, swollen neck glands, general malaise, you name it.

Today, two days later, I'm as sick as ever. Fever won't go below 100 or above 102, Tyen0l be damned. This morning I saw the ENT--diagnosis: tonsillitis. Though there is a good chance it may be mono (my SIL had it) with a strep chaser. I imagine we'll find out when the culture results come back. I started some antibiotics today so I imagine we'll soon find out if what I've got is bacterial (the antibiotics will work) or viral (they won't).

Now, today miss J wakes up, we notice she's got about four or five little lesions on her face, they look kind of like red ant bites (if you've had the pleasure to experience one of these, you know what I mean). This afternoon, my other SIL calls to tell us that her daughter has a couple of similar lesions on her back and that she was taking her to the ped...yes, you know where this is going, don't you?

Chicken pox. As in, J hasn't yet had the vaccination which is done here at 15 months (her appt next month). As in, I've never had it but have had the vaccination--but there is a 10 % or so chance that it's not 100% effective. As in, I have a fetus onboard...sharing my immunity or lack thereof. As in, I will now quarantine myself even further from miss J for the next week or so.

I spent the entire weekend holed up in our bedroom, alternating between boiling hot and freezing cold as I rode the fever/chills cart. And yes, I'm still riding it. Only now, I've got the added bonus of potential chicken pox to add to the fun. And I'd better not mention the abscess I've got under my boob...the one I see the derm for tomorrow, the one they'll probably lance. The one that they lanced last year but has come back for some unknown reason (probably because the universe thinks it's a comedian).

Good times here, good times. But the dos...well, the doppler is my best friend right now. The dos soldiers on (thank you, thank you, thank you). As you can imagine, I'm in full panic mode here in the Dee house. Full panic mode indeed though happy to report that we officially entered the second trimester this past weekend.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

My loves

Nothing exciting to post...just wanted to share this recent photo of my man and his littlest lady at our local beach...it about melted my heart to bits when I took it.

Monday, August 07, 2006

Refreshed & Recharged

The view from our hotel room:

Yes, back from bliss. To say we had a wonderful time would be an understatement. There was casual and fine dining, movie watching, sleep catching up on, outlet shopping (hello my newest Coach bag gotten at a fraction of retail!), shell gathering, sailing, and spa treatments...heavenly and divine spa treatments. And, perhaps most importantly, dessert after every dinner.

What, I ask you, could be better than all that? Okay, well, sloppy wet kisses from a certain little girl, along with whole body hugs from same said little person do rank higher than the above-mentioned treats, but I digress.

Perhaps the best part of all was the special treat I received upon my return home yesterday:
I was able to find dos's heartbeat on the doppler last night. Second to that was the smile on A's face when he heard it then (the OB appointments he's accompanied me to thus far haven't included any doppler action). I'd forgotten just how lovely that sound is.

My cup runneth over.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

I bid you adieu, ahem, adios...for a few days

Just wanted to post a quick note to say that the good doctor was able to find the dos's heartbeat at this morning's appt. (And yes, for lack of a better name, this baby is dos, as in two--heck, I mean this is south Florida, just about everyone and their mother speaks spanish here and I say that with no malice intended...truly, after all, the mister, he is of hispanic origin and bilingual :-) ).

So dos the fetus is....

In other news, per the doc, I can use hydrocortisone for my indeterminate leg rash. Don't think I didn't rush out and buy a tube of this nectar of the gods posthaste. Sweet tender mercy.

Now, I am off until Sunday.

And LALALALA, I can't see or hear the fact that there is a tropical storm swirling about in the lesser Antilles right now and predicted to strengthen as it heads towards my neck of the woods by Monday-ish or so....LALALALA, can't hear you universe, can't hear you. Frances, Jeanne, and Wilma are under our belts in the past two years. We've learned much from these ladies (and gained a new roof and new garage door in the process, among other losses/gains) but they are not lessons we want to repeat any time soon.

free hit counter