/ The RE's Muse: January 2006

The RE's Muse

After 4 years of infertility, 2 surgeries, 1 miscarriage, and 19 months of high risk pregnancies, hubby and I now have two little women in our lives--one a toddler, the other not far behind. Buckle your seatbelts, it's gonna be a wild ride.

Friday, January 27, 2006

Who am I?

Some days I think I've got this mothering thing down pat. And then other days I stop and wonder just what the hell I've gotten myself into.

I'm a type A personality...and I have always been very organized (hello, the list is my best friend!), disciplined, clear-minded, and I had a regular daily routine (work, home, work out, make dinner, hang out, sleep--lather, rinse, repeat). But for the life of me, since Juliana arrived, I can't seem to get my shit together post-pregnancy. I've only taken off 10 lbs. of baby weight (um, yeah, that means all I lost was the weight of the baby/placenta/fluids and nothing more), plus I can't seem to find the time to exercise or even make dinner, can't keep my thoughts straight, and can't remember shit. No lie.

I see other mothers (typically SAHMs at the grocery store, mall, etc.) with their babies and take inventory--they're thin, well-dressed, make up/hair done--in general, they're well 'pulled together,' and this makes me wonder what I'm doing wrong. Me--WAHM (with baby still attending daycare full-time), fat, barely presentably dressed (none of my pre-pregnancy clothes fit--WAH!), hair a mess or pulled up in a clip, no makeup, and tired...so damn tired most of the time. Yeah, I'm whining but I just can't seem to get it together and I don't know why. I don't think I'm depressed...I'm actually pretty happy about most things in my life right now but things just seem so disheleved on the personal and home fronts.

Now that Juliana is here, things are different...and I knew they would be so it's not like any of this came as a surprise. I just feel like there aren't enough hours in a day anymore. I just don't feel like 'me' anymore. I'm someone else (I know, I know--I'm a 'mom' now) but I don't know this new person, and unfortunately, don't have time to get to know her.

But I do have the time to get to know the "new" person in the photo above (a person who is ohsoclose to crawling v v soon) and I have to say, getting to know her is the best part of this new reality.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Lucky 7

Seven months ago today, in birthing suite #7, she entered my life and it hasn't been the same since.

She's seven months old today...seven months of wonder, delight, amazement, laughter, of a love that grows with every passing day. Simply put, it's been the most incredible seven months of my life (as well as seven of the most difficult, challenging months of my life). Here's to many many more sevens....

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Ringing in the new year

This (to your right) was the best part of our 2005 festivus season.

Hope your holidays were wonderful and that your new year is kicking ass so far (or at least is fair to middling). Things were crazy in the Dee house this season and I've finally been able to come up for air.

While the big event was Juliana's first Christmas, the biggest event for me was leaving her here with my SIL while A and I joined some friends for a long New Year's weekend celebration in Chicago. It was our first time going anywhere without the baby and it wasn't too horrible. I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss the little gal with all my heart. And while we had a wonderful time in Chi-town (one of my two favorite cities to visit in the U.S.), it was also nice to return to the lass. She seemed to have grown exponentially while we were gone.

I'm now working from home but the wee one is still in daycare. She'll stay there full-time for a few more weeks, until I'm better acclimated to my new job (in a field that's fairly new to me). Once the dust clears, I'll have her in daycare part-time and home with me the rest of the time. I'm looking forward to it.

Another 'first' milestone is coming up--this week, the three of us are flying to see family in Michigan for a 5-day vacation. It'll be Juliana's first plane ride--hope it goes well. I'm all stressed out about all the stuff we'll be hauling (car seat since she has her own ticket/seat, stroller, diaper bag, laptop, etc.) but we'll manage. Yes, we're crazy to label a January trip to Michigan a vacation but being from Florida, cold and snow (crossing my fingers that we get some while there) make for a nice change every so often.

I've been reading my blomey's blogs but haven't had a lot of time to comment over the holidays. Now that things are quieting back down, I hope to have more time to 'chat' going forward. Please don't think I'm not 'all up in your business'--'cause I still am, but just more quietly than usual.

Hope your 2006 is a good one :-)

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