A non-event...

that's what Ernesto was. A bit of drizzle, some wind, nothing out of the ordinary. We've had daily afternoon thunderstorms roll in that were worse...and that's fine by me.

Now that that's over, I can turn my attention to more worrisome issues--like my monthly OB appointment tomorrow, where I'm worried they'll get on my about how much weight I've gained so far (though earlier this week, the peri said i looked good, which shocked me). And of course, there's the amnio appointment next Thursday.

For weeks now, I've been heading into that appointment very laid back, very matter-of-fact, all "we did this last time, it went smoothly, we'll do it again." But now, after hearing about Disney Baby's (http://disneywonderbaby.blogspot.com/) recent negative amnio experience earlier this week, I'm getting more worried the closer my amnio day gets.

In all honesty, the amnio with J could not have gone any smoother. There was very little pain, only some slight discomfort/pressure as the fluid was withdrawn. It was over in about two minutes, there was no leaking or bleeding or anything of that nature afterwards. It was so completely different from what I had built it up to be in my head.

But knowing that no two pregnancies--no two anything for that matter--are alike, I can't help but wonder if this one will be the one that hurts, that makes me leak or bleed or worse afterwards. Then I wonder if we're doing the right thing, if maybe I shouldn't have done the quad screen earlier, maybe it would have come back within normal limits and we wouldn't need an amnio...or maybe it wouldn't have. But I can't second guess myself now.

I'm running on fear these days; a fear that grows daily. T minus 7 days and counting until the fear comes to a boiling point. Until then, I try not to think about it too much.

I spend my days/hours/minutes enjoying the bliss that is my daughter. Watching her run, and laugh, and dance, and do so many new things with each passing day. Reveling in the love when she comes and sits on my lap, or runs to me with open arms to give me a hug, when she shares her crackers with me, when she snuggles with me on the couch...experiences that I store in the hope chest of my heart. It helps keep the demons at bay.