All's quiet on the home front

Thanks for sharing your POVs on whether or not to tell so early on. It looks like we will not be sharing the news with family for a while. After speaking with DH about it, I realize that I'm just not comfortable telling them yet. I don't want to count my chickens before they hatch. For now, I'll keep this wonderful secret between us and our 6 closest friends (those who knew about our treatment, etc.) -- and all of y'all great gals -- for the time being.

There's just so much that I'm worrying about right now, it can't be healthy to worry so much. It leaves my mind for a bit and then comes roaring back louder than ever. How to turn it off? I don't know. I keep telling myself that it'll be okay, it's good, my betas were doubling just like they should, even slightly ahead of schedule (every 1.28 to 1.4 days). But now--well, now there have been no more betas since the third one and I miss their reassuring progression. Now I wait until that first u/s on Monday and wonder what the doctor will tell me. Did it implant in my uterus? Is it ectopic? Will it make it? Will I make it? I just don't know...and that scares the hell out of me right now. My slight spotting stopped on Monday. My nausea and sore boobs fluctuate though and right now, both are not as 'pronounced' as they've been in past days--is that normal? Does it mean it's failing? What does it all mean? Maybe nothing but I just don't know. I need to make this all rational and I can't, it's impossible.

I tell myself that if I just make it through today, I'm one day closer to a preliminary answer. Four days more until Monday and maybe I'll get some slight peace of mind until the next u/s, if we get that far. I am going to drive myself completely crazy in the interim. I don't mean to complain about this when there are so many other IFs who deserve to achieve their dreams -- but, for me, once an IF, always an IF. Bad news follows us around like the cloud did Schleprock (children of the '70s, remember him?). Do I dare to hope, to dream, to plan?