/ The RE's Muse: 913 and climbing

The RE's Muse

After 4 years of infertility, 2 surgeries, 1 miscarriage, and 19 months of high risk pregnancies, hubby and I now have two little women in our lives--one a toddler, the other not far behind. Buckle your seatbelts, it's gonna be a wild ride.

Tuesday, August 10, 2004

913 and climbing

Yesterday was beta #3 and a good number it was. 913; up from 181 on Friday. This was the last of my betas and I'm to go for my first u/s next Monday, the 16th. Amazingly, the doctor himself will perform that first ultrasound--I had just assumed it would be my usual dildocam operator.

In joking with a friend of mine who's a patient at my same practice, we said that the nurses do all the grunt work, they're your main point of contact, but then the doc comes in for the first pg u/s and gets the 'glory.' Of course, there's more to it than that but it's still an interesting dynamic. I know the doctor is (usually) the brains behind the protocol but still...you just don't think you'd get them (at least not in a practice as large as mine) to personally perform these simple clinical tasks. Luckily, I like my doc and can't wait to see/share his reaction--I'm such a goober, as if he fathered the embryo/baby himself!

Speaking of who made the baby, my husband is a calm life raft floating on this sea of change. He was excited in a low-key sort of way when I told him the news after that first phone call from the nurse. We went to dinner that first night but no big celebration. He asks how I'm feeling each day but that is sort of it. I can't really gage his reaction outside of that. My SIL said he told her he said he has reserved excitement; kind of like me, I guess.

We're also wondering whether or not to tell family yet. This coming Friday will be the 6 week mark (4 gestational weeks--which might be the stupidest calculating I've ever seen and I don't get why the medical field does it this way). I have a good friend who didn't tell anyone until after the 12th week and the danger of loss was somewhat reduced. I'm leaning toward that approach myself. Another friend told everyone right away and when she suffered a miscarriage, those same friends and family where there to help her through the grief and mourning. So I've seen it from both sides with these two wonderful people.

Now my husband and I find ourselves on the fence. At first we thought we'd tell his mother since she knew a little bit about our infertility and she isn't a blabber but then my husband suggested we just tell them all. This weekend we're having my husband's birthday party with all of his family at my MIL's house and that would be the optimal place/time to tell them since they'll all be in one location. Not only that, but supposedly, hubby's 93-year old grandfather will be arriving that same day for a three-month stay (he lives in South America and hasn't been to visit the family here in the U.S. since the '80s) so he'll be on hand as well.

Do we tell them or not? I am excited, on the one hand, to share this news with them. I am apprehensive, on the other hand, lest we lose this pregnancy and then have to share that painful news with them. I probably shouldn't even be thinking these thoughts, quite frankly, but you can't shake that worst-case scenario expectation when dealing with IF--at least I can't since that's my traditional coping mechanism. Expect the worst so it doesn't hurt as much when it comes but then it'll allow you to be excited when you get the best since it was unexpected. It's worked for me these past years but it still doesn't mean it didn't hurt any less. It sucks how IF robs (most) patients of the ability to blindly go forward and assume the best. Instead, at least for me, it's as if you're always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

So I guess hubby and I've got a lot of thinking to do in the coming days. As an English major, the words of the great Will Shakespeare come to me in an altered state: to share, or not to share: that is the question. Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a sea of troubles, and by opposing end them. Works, doesn't it?


At 9:15 AM, Blogger amanda said...

Glad to see that 913. Great news!

I really have no advice on the tell/don't tell dilemma. I guess you're right. It comes down to what you'd be comfortable with should, God forbid, the other shoe drop. Of course we'll all be crossing our fingers that that doesn't happen. Would you rather have the support of the people you had told or would you rather keep that private?

I don't know. Of course, I've never had to deal with that, but since our immediate families know we're about to do IVF, it's not like we can wait until the 12 week mark to tell them whether it worked or not, so that decision is already made when it comes to them. Good luck on whatever you decide to do.

At 1:32 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

We told a few close friends. That's it. So, when I m/c'd I had the support of these friends, but did not have to deal with a lot of people, re-explaining or litening to well intentioned, but ridiculous comments.(My MIL, whom we told the 1st time, told me that she thought it was caused by stress-- even after we told her that the biopsy came back as a trisomy. Hence, we never told her again).

Follow your heart, listen to your head-- (if that makes sense).


At 2:39 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I read your post and decided to share with you how I plan on telling my family when the day comes (if you do decide to share now). Since you're going to have your hubby's b-day party you could get everyone together for a group picture. Then as you're getting ready to take the picture instead of saying "say cheese" tell them to say "I'm pregnant" and then snap the picture. Then you'll have a picture of all of their reactions.

Just a thought.

Jennifer a.k.a summerbreeze

At 3:47 AM, Blogger Sanorah said...

I am currently living on the other side of the world from my family but I have thought about how I will tell them when the time comes.

I think that except for my sister (whom I’ll tell right away) I will wait until I make a trip home to tell them, somewhere around my 4th or 5th month of pregnancy maybe.

I am known to change my mind, but for now that’s how I plan to do it.



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