/ The RE's Muse: Home again home again, jiggity jig

The RE's Muse

After 4 years of infertility, 2 surgeries, 1 miscarriage, and 19 months of high risk pregnancies, hubby and I now have two little women in our lives--one a toddler, the other not far behind. Buckle your seatbelts, it's gonna be a wild ride.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Home again home again, jiggity jig

Back from Key West in one piece. And, in case you were wondering, yes, we ended up having to spill the beans to our friends. Apparently, I was not going to be let off the hook for not joining them in their drunken revelry had I not come clean on the current state of affairs in my uterus.

The trip was generally fun...most of the time. Of course, there were the times when all in our circle were intoxicated and obnoxious--well, you know, except for moi. Those would be the not-so-fun parts of the trip. It's not that I wanted to be among their ranks of drunk and disorderly, no. It was more the putting up with the drunk and disorderly that was painful. Anyone who knows me IRL knows that I'm not a drinker so me being sober while the friends aren't is par for the course. But man, the older I get, the less amusing their drunk hijinks are to me. So that means that while on vacation with my pals, I bail and head back to the house solo post-dinner.

That was the best part of the trip--evenings spent in quiet solitude while the drunks went out carousing. I had the sofa and tv all to myself and life was good. The house was a gorgeous 1884 conch home only a block off of Duval and Front Streets. Basically, it was a quick walk to anywhere we wanted to get to. As nice as it was though, I was still happiest when it was time to head home.

Aside from readjusting back to every day life after vacation, things here are status quo. J had a lovely time with her aunt and cousins here at our house while we were gone. And I missed her like mad, phoning home each morning and evening for an update.

If you're wondering about my boarder, we're still hanging in there. I'm cruising into 9 weeks, holy crap, which means the embryo is cruising into fetus status. I've got an u/s scheduled for next week and then I'm cold turkey on the scans for who knows how long (amnio w/u/s around 17 weeks I believe followed by the level II shortly thereafter). I've been debating whether or not to rent a doppler again and I don't know why I don't just do it. It was a sanity saver with J's pregnancy.

I generally feel pretty good, though I'm hungry all the time and quick to queasy if I don't eat regularly. Fatigue has also hit me pretty hard in recent weeks as has boob tenderness. In general, though, I'm doing okay.

While this pregnancy is still completely surreal to me and I feel like I'm experiencing it through someone else's body, my love for J is growing exponentially with each day. She's at a wonderful age, almost 13 months, and every day is full of new experiences. And the hugs! Lots and lots of them--my favorite are the ones where she runs all the way across the room towards me with her arms wide open, only to fling herself into my outstretched arms when she reaches me. Bliss, pure and simple, and worth every painful experience we went through on the road to her.

Seriously, how will I ever be able to love another child as much as I love her? And how will I be able to not play favorites when she is the one who made me a mom first?

Others have said it is possible, but right now, I just don't see how.


At 3:45 PM, Blogger WriterGrrl said...

It's true -- you CAN'T imagine how you'll love another one this much...until the next one is born and you're holding it. And then it's like, "Ohhhhhhhh, *that's* how." I always say that the one I love most is whichever one I am holding/kissing/thinking of at the moment. And at that instant, it's true -- that one fills my heart. And then I pick up another one, and *that* one fills my heart.

I have a very full heart.

At 12:53 PM, Anonymous Menita said...

Oh I hear you. The only way I can (sort of) wrap my head around it is that it's going to be like what happened with Polly - I had no idea how deeply I would love her, how deeply it was even possible to love her, I was worried about how she'd fit into our family. But the second I looked into her lovley face for the first time, I knew. And now I can't even remember life before her. That's the only thing that makes me think that with Bingo it's going to be just the same.

At 12:53 AM, Blogger Cakesy's Mama said...

Welcome home! And the nine week mark -- huzzah!

I love your description of the hugs. Babycakes has just started doing some hugging. I don't know if it's post-weaning "noodges" or real HUGS, but I'll take whatever I can get, they're so delicious.

At 9:33 PM, Blogger Dawn said...

I've already whispered in Amanda's ear how it would not be fair to try to have more children, because no matter what she'll always be my favorite, my little miracle.

"They" say you'll love all your children the same amount, but I don't see how, either!


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