Today I had a "breakdown" of sorts that was completely unexpected and unanticipated.
There we were, us three 'girls' in J's room. Me--putting away J's clean clothes from the laundry basket, and J and D playing on the floor about 5 feet from me.
Fast forward a few minutes, and they're about 8 feet from me, now out of my immediate line of sight, playing by the door to J's room, while I am standing in front of J's closet, hanging clothes.
A few seconds later, A is yelling at J to 'Stop it NOW!' and there is crying, lots and lots of big little girl crying.
Apparently, J got the idea in her head to shut the door to her room, however, there was one obstacle to accomplishing this goal (besides the removeable foam piece we have near the top of the door)--D's hand in the door jamb. There was poor D, standing by the door with her hand near the hinges being crushed across the palm.
A got J (so many letters to keep straight, huh?) to stop pushing the door within a few seconds, and D still had not cried. No sirree, she was still getting her initial air intake to rev up for the big screaming cry (you know the one where the baby is so upset that her mouth is wide open though no sound has yet to come out for she is still in the midst of sucking air in only to scream it out what feels like minutes later?) before all hell broke loose, from both girls. Poor D, hurt, and poor J, scared.
The door edge didn't break D's skin but it left quite a healthy indentation. I was somewhat mortified by its appearance, but was holding it together (though barely). Then...A asked me if I wanted to take her to the hospital. Instantly, I was transported back to the last go'round of hospital visit--to the 'did they do this to their child?' scenario--and I just broke down and bawled my eyes out, all while holding poor, crying D who wanted mama's comfort (thankfully, she stopped scream crying about 10 seconds after coming to me).
Never mind the fact that we could easily explain/confirm what happened to D and that it was a complete and utter accident at the hands of her big sister, I was a wreck at the thought of having to tell ER or urgent care docs what had transpired. All I could think was, "What if they think we did this to her?"
Yeah, so, think I've got some lingering issues from what we went through with DCF from December 27th to February 8th?
Methinks perhaps yes.
Oh, and as for D's injury, she was using her hand and fingers completely normally within seconds of the accident. Within a few minutes, we witnessed the indentation vanish completely before our very eyes. Manipulating the top of her hand, we felt no broken bones, nor did she wince or cry, etc., in any way to indicate pain. One immediate phone call to SIL in peds, and we knew what signs to look for to indicate anything broken--D had/has none of them. All that she has to show for her pain is a line of red irritated skin about two inches long and a quarter-inch wide on the top of her hand.
Jesus gay, I need a drink...and more pr0zac.
