Who am I?
Some days I think I've got this mothering thing down pat. And then other days I stop and wonder just what the hell I've gotten myself into.
I'm a type A personality...and I have always been very organized (hello, the list is my best friend!), disciplined, clear-minded, and I had a regular daily routine (work, home, work out, make dinner, hang out, sleep--lather, rinse, repeat). But for the life of me, since Juliana arrived, I can't seem to get my shit together post-pregnancy. I've only taken off 10 lbs. of baby weight (um, yeah, that means all I lost was the weight of the baby/placenta/fluids and nothing more), plus I can't seem to find the time to exercise or even make dinner, can't keep my thoughts straight, and can't remember shit. No lie.
I see other mothers (typically SAHMs at the grocery store, mall, etc.) with their babies and take inventory--they're thin, well-dressed, make up/hair done--in general, they're well 'pulled together,' and this makes me wonder what I'm doing wrong. Me--WAHM (with baby still attending daycare full-time), fat, barely presentably dressed (none of my pre-pregnancy clothes fit--WAH!), hair a mess or pulled up in a clip, no makeup, and tired...so damn tired most of the time. Yeah, I'm whining but I just can't seem to get it together and I don't know why. I don't think I'm depressed...I'm actually pretty happy about most things in my life right now but things just seem so disheleved on the personal and home fronts.
Now that Juliana is here, things are different...and I knew they would be so it's not like any of this came as a surprise. I just feel like there aren't enough hours in a day anymore. I just don't feel like 'me' anymore. I'm someone else (I know, I know--I'm a 'mom' now) but I don't know this new person, and unfortunately, don't have time to get to know her.
But I do have the time to get to know the "new" person in the photo above (a person who is ohsoclose to crawling v v soon) and I have to say, getting to know her is the best part of this new reality.
5 Comments:
Oh how I hear you. I had the idea that I was going to be SUCH a chic mom....hahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaa!
Fortunately P thinks I am the most gorgeous thing on the planet. I figure I have time to get my act together until she turns into a teen and feels ashamed of me all the time...
Oh, I was/am the same way about MY routine. I still get stressed out and have dealt with it by cutting back my work, looking at the mirror and going "good enough" (but wonder when my hair is finally going to stop falling out... good news, some hair seems to be growing back in), my clothes fit differently, my boobs are a strange consistency (I finally weaned last month), and wonder how on earth other moms, especially the ones I see with more than 1 baby do it. Exercise is a distant memory and I made a new years resolution to make it to the gym or walk ONCE a week...so far have not kept it...so on and so forth.
Oh, thanks for the car seat info, I am now the proud owner of the Aloha roundabout. The cover is SO soft!
Ditto, ditto and ditto.
There's a poem inscribed in a mural at our pediatrician's office - it goes something like "Mama stop flitting from task to task, for the me you now see before thee will soon no longer cease to be." You know, the gist being that they grow up so fast so enjoy them while you can.
And so I kind of commit to giving Simon my all, and though he loves me despite my unmanicured hands and air-dried hair, I miss feeling so "together."
If it weren't for my borderline OCD husband, my house would be a shambles.
Ms J is absolutely gorgeous.
Most of the moms you're seeing are on their 2nd or 3rd kid, I'd wager, and have had time to figure stuff out. They drop one kid off at daycare/preschool and have the second one at home. They know they're going out in the morning, so they have to get dressed, etc. Case in point -- last night, I took my baby out to a class on kitchen design. Everyone oohed and ahed, "How old is the baby?" "Three weeks." "Oh, my! And you're out and about already?" "Listen, he's my fourth. For me, this is a treat. It means my husband is home ALONE with the other three." That said, I just discovered today that I have to lose 35 to 40 pounds to get back to my pre-preg weight, so apparently I lost NOTHING from delivery. Yay.
I totally related with this post, Dee. I am so right there with you. My clothes used to be neat, and while I have never been a make-up wearer, I spent time on my appearance before leaving the house.
Nowadays the biggest gift I give myself daily is a shower. As long as I get a shower I feel as though I have accomplished something for myself. Everything else is for Julia. I see other Mom's in the stores too and wonder to myself, "What am I doing wrong?" But then all I have to do is hum the song from Julia's exersaucer and she cracks up...full on gummy smile with tongue out...and I could care less that I am wearing my jeans for the third day in a row.
Sure I have a third dog growing in the corner from all of the dog hair. Or I can't remember the last time I did more than spot clean here and there.
But I love every moment with Julia. I wouldn't trade it for the world.
But I am glad to know I am not the only one ;)
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