/ The RE's Muse: Will not panic...will not panic....

The RE's Muse

After 4 years of infertility, 2 surgeries, 1 miscarriage, and 19 months of high risk pregnancies, hubby and I now have two little women in our lives--one a toddler, the other not far behind. Buckle your seatbelts, it's gonna be a wild ride.

Sunday, November 07, 2004

Will not panic...will not panic....

Yesterday morning I woke up at 6:30 a.m. and headed to the bathroom for my first pee of the day. It was dark, almost orange, but the tissue was clear when I wiped. But wait...what's that I saw in the bowl? A miniscule speck of tissue, red, with a tiny streak of blood radiating off it into the water. No blood on the paper when I wiped though so I chalked it off. Got dressed, headed down to Miami for a beauty day with a dear girlfriend. During the hour and fifteen minute drive to meet her, I had some mild cramping but thought nothing of it as that's been happening here and there.

After we meet up, we stop for breakfast at a Cuban bakery. As I'm standing at the counter, I feel discharge and don't have a good feeling about it. I go to the bathroom and pee and see nothing but yellow pee in the bowl. But then I wiped and saw it: Bright red blood.

I call Dr. Rub's backline from my cell and while I'm on hold, my call waiting beeps in--it's Dr. Rub's nurse. She tells me to lie down, take it easy, drink lots of fluids. And keep my appointment with them for Wednesday. If something is going to happen, it's going to happen.

So I take it easy. I lay around on my ass all day long. I drink so much water I'm pretty much peeing every 15-30 minutes. And the bright red blood turns to brown. It was never in the bowl when I went pee, it was only on the paper when I wiped afterwards. There were never any
clots, no tissue (outside of that teeny piece first thing in the morning) and the mild cramping eventually slowed and then disappeared altogether.

I'm still having brown spotting on the paper when I wipe today but there has been no more bright red since that first occurrence (knock on wood, cross my fingers, and all that jazz).

As you can imagine, I'm terrified. If I thought I was scared before...well, now it's amped up to a whole new level. How can I last 'til Wednesday's u/s to find out if all is still well in there? Now I'm definitely expecting only the worst news at that visit. Try as I might, I really wanted to go into it with some shred of optimism but now there's none.

I've read and heard so much about what this bleeding can be--implantation (perhaps it's so comfy in there it opted to burrow in a little deeper?), a subchorionic hemorrhage, the placenta can nick a capillary/vein/etc. when it begins to form, an inflamed cervix, dehydration, etc. Dehydration does seems like a very real possibility. A and I had the world's saltiest dinner at a local Thai restaurant Friday night and when we got back home, I was parched. So parched, in fact, I knocked back a record amount of water before going to bed. But, alas, I never had to wake up in the middle of the night to pee all that water out. Plus my pee was so dark yesterday morning, the first pee after Friday night's dinner. Last night I didn't wake up in the middle of the night to pee either and this morning's first pee was orange as well. Perhaps I should set my alarm to wake me up midway each night and make myself go pee. All last week I had been waking up on my own in the middle of the night to pee most nights. But the last few, no going.

So maybe the bleeding is nothing major. But all I can think is impending miscarriage. Help me make it through 'til Wednesday's u/s; that's all I want right now. To just make it until then.


At 11:56 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Prayers, Dee, lots of prayers for you.

I'm taking the fact that you aren't feeling any cramping and not seeing any blood as a good sign.

I'll be thinking about you and sending you lots of prayers.


At 12:02 PM, Blogger amanda said...

Dee, I know there's nothing I can say to make Wednesday come any faster. I'll be sending good thoughts your way.

At 12:17 PM, Blogger Stacy said...

Dee, I am sending more prayers your way. Just hang on until Wednesday!

At 12:51 PM, Blogger Janet said...


I absolutley KNOW that there is nothing magical that I can say that will make you feel better right now unless I was John Edwards and could channel the dead and tell you for sure that everything is alright, that this baby is meant to be in your arms. I do not have u/s vision, although I think that if I did, I would be the best comic book hero ever, running around telling all of us insecure preggos that our ebryos were still alive, saving anquish in a single bound.

All I can offer you is my support, my good thoughts, and my hopes that all will be ok. It really is a good sign that it is only brown now. I have even heard of the progesterone supps causing some kind of irritation that results in some spotting. So hang on to that and hold tight while I search for some more virgins to sacrifice to Pele.

All my best, and time passing very fast vibes,

At 1:55 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can only imagine how terrified you must be. And having to wait until Wednesday has got to be incredibly difficult. I hope all is well. My thoughts are with you.


At 5:08 PM, Blogger NSR said...

Dee, I hope you are doing ok. Thinking of you.


At 6:16 PM, Blogger Barren Mare said...

Hang on, Dee. I am hoping everything will turn out to be just fine. There are so many of us thinking good thought for you, and wishing you the best.

At 7:25 PM, Blogger Toni said...

I hope it's nothing. I think good thoughts for you and A...good thoughts. And hope the days go by quickly for you.

At 7:25 PM, Blogger Jen P said...

holding my breath, crossing my fingers and toes, praying and praying and praying...Hope you're doing well Dee. Come on WED!!

At 9:02 PM, Blogger chris said...

Hey. More than likely, it's just the progesterone. Hang in there.

At 9:40 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dee, thinking of you.

middle way

At 9:50 PM, Blogger Soper said...

Dee, I'm thinking of you. I think it's horrible they are making you wait until Wednesday!

At 10:20 PM, Blogger sherry said...

Hang in there...and keep us posted.

Thinking so much of you!

At 12:55 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Repeat after me:
Brown=good. Brown=good. Brown=good.
It's just old blood. Maybe cervical- did you by any chance have sex? I had dark red blood followed by days of brown spotting after a pap smear. How about your symptoms?
Keep us posted.
Lily (http://thetruesoap.typepad.com/the_true_soap/)


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