/ The RE's Muse: Which bitch do I choose?

The RE's Muse

After 4 years of infertility, 2 surgeries, 1 miscarriage, and 19 months of high risk pregnancies, hubby and I now have two little women in our lives--one a toddler, the other not far behind. Buckle your seatbelts, it's gonna be a wild ride.

Monday, October 25, 2004

Which bitch do I choose?

I'm back from Hot-lanta and have to say we had a great time. How I needed that down time! Though I will say it can get a little trying when hanging out with one of the other couples that joined us--they had a miscarriage 11 years ago but to this day have only ever had his SA done (with "enough healthy sperm to get all women in the state pg"), no tests on her--and instead just fly by on the thought that this month will be their month. It gets a little tiring to hear her say to me yet again, 'just wait 'til we get pregnant at the same time....' Bless her heart that she can remain so optimistic month after month, all 132 of 'em and counting. I just wanted to get away from IF for the weekend, not hear about when we both (magically) get pg together. Where is this utopia she speaks of and how do I find it?

On the IF front, I'm now either 10 or 11dpo and have resisted the urge to POAS. The then-ongoing twingy cramps I spoke of in a post last week have quieted down but still rear their heads from time to time. My boobs are slightly tender but I'm of the mindset that this is PMS starting up (AF should start later this week). I went back and looked at my BFP cycle to see what the symptoms were (like I've asked before, 'did it really happen?'--'cause I can't remember a thing about the details it seems). **Warning: pg symptoms mentioned below--please skip this post if you're not up to my babble about what I experienced, hell sometimes I'm not up for my babble about this**

What I'm dealing with now, I don't know if you can call them symptoms. Last time, I had cramps starting 8dpiui but everything else was quiet. By 11dpiui, my boobs were slightly tender; by 13dpiui, my boobs were agonizing to touch; at 14dpiui I had a positive beta and the peeing a lot, excess salivation, and aversion to sweets (sacrilege!) began shortly thereafter.

This cycle? Since 4 or 5dpo, twingy cramping off and on--largely in the same spot. Nothing else to really note unless you want to count the slightly tender boobs I'm sporting today. But...in my mind, I would imagine that any subsequent pg symptoms I have likely wouldn't vary from what I experienced previously. Which is why I expect that this is not my cycle for good news. Plus, crap in various forms keeps raining down on a lot of gals in the IF blogosphere lately, myself included.

I've got one FRED in the house but don't know if I'll actually bust it out this week (okay, first I need to find it 'cause--yes, I really did this--I packed it away in the hurricane supplies to take with us when we left for Jeanne and now am not sure where I've put it). Since AF is due this Thursday or Friday, I guess I could theoretically take the test tomorrow but don't know if I'm emotionally ready yet for the sight of one line.

I'm wondering if Wednesday or Thursday would be better since I'll be 12 or 13dpo and last time my boobs amped up a notch at 13dpiui, a sure sign for me that there was some 'action' going on in the cooter. Or should I just fight all urges to whiz on FRED and save myself a few bucks while I wait for the telltale coming of the bloody bitch? Hope is waving her arm frantically in the air, asking me to pick her, while AF leans smugly against the doorway, smiling knowingly my way.


At 4:04 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Dee,

I so hope this is the month for you. Here's something you can try if you don't want to pee on a stick. You can always check your cervix. If you're pregnant, it will still be low and closed very tight. If you're not and you're about 2-3 days from AF, it will be low and opened slightly to allow for the flow to come through. I found this little tibit on the web and I've got to tell you, it seems pretty foolproof and it's cheaper then FRED. The only catch is that some women will have cervixes that are always slightly opened. Pregnancy and childbirth can cause this. I wasn't pregnant long enough for this to be an issue for me. I spent a month learning what my cervix feels like at different points in my cycle because I got tired of spending $25 to just be disappointed. I'm still disappointed to feel it open month after month, but at least I now have money left over for chocolate :(

Just a thought, I don't know if it will work for you or not, but wanted to toss it out there.

Thinking of you.


At 7:12 PM, Blogger Toni said...

I was going to say DO IT...PEE ON FRED!!! But then I read Emily's reply...and I might just do that. But I've never really felt my cervix before...time to take the class at the Google School of Medicine.

See if this helps....


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