To have and to hold....

On this last day of hurricane season (yippee!), I married A eight years ago. We met in college and dated for six years prior to his popping the question. This coming February will mark 15 years we've been together. It's been a wild ride, a fun ride. We've done so many things, traveled to many places and for that I'm grateful. He is a wonderful man, partner, and human being.

We decided we'd enjoy life with just the two of us for a few years before we would try to grow our two-person family into three; we thought that when the time came when we were ready to have a child, it would just happen. Alas, as you know, the fairy tale didn't play out as we had hoped but somehow we found the strength to soldier on.

This Thanksgiving I had much to be thankful for--friends, family, the bean currently growing inside me, and especially A's presence in my life and his love. He calls me his rock but, the truth is, he is as much mine as I am his. Sadly, it took the miscarriage in August to make me realize this but I will never again take that truth for granted.

In the darkest days after the D&C, I sent A the following letter. I didn't write it but it summed up everything I was thinking and feeling. And even today, on this happiest of anniversaries, the words ring truer than ever. So I share it with you and give you a glimpse into the depth of my feelings for this wonderful man. And if you're so inspired, please feel free to share it with the special man in your life too....

A Love Note to My Husband by Carol Speck Schmidt

I love you for letting me be me, more than I could have been without you.
I love you for putting up with me through the tears, the tantrums, the depression, the hysterics, the desperation, and the trauma.
I love you for being my best friend when others had turned me away or were uneasy about being around me.
I love you for trying to give me hope when I felt there was none.

I love you for doing your best to make me laugh when I thought I’d never hear the sound of laughter again.
I love you for putting your grief on a back burner while you used all your strength and energy to cope with me and mine.
I love you for making sure that I got all the help I so desperately needed in dealing with our loss while you dealt with it all by yourself.

I love you for loving me enough to be able to yank me out of the deep pit of depression in which I had been immersed for so long.
But most of all, I love you for continuing to love me when I was most unlovable.
That, more than anything, helped me to again see how very blessed I am.
And having you and your love more than makes up for anything I lack. Because of you and you alone I’m the luckiest person on earth.