Heart takes gold and silver

Okay, so in honor of the Olympics, as far as bad days go for me, yesterday my heart won the gold and today it took the silver.

It is done, just like that. Yesterday I had a baby growing in me, today I do not. And that's okay, really. I understand that bad things like this can and do happen. I know that for a while I will question if I can find the strength to carry on and try again. But I also know that I can and will, that I am stronger than I think. I'm not ready to quit, not just yet. There's still some fight left in this dog (hmmm... maybe that should be '...in this beeyatch? Appropriate use of dog gender term, yes?).

I believe that, for me, my five weeks of joy and happiness was worth the heartache and pain. And that is what will help me jump back up in the stirrups when it's time. My post-op is 9/16 and I will know then where we go from here. Until then, I may lay low for a bit but I'll post from time to time. I have so much to work out in my head and soul, yet so many questions I want to ask you, so much I need to know to help me move on. But I also need to hibernate, reconnect with me, and slather my husband with love for his incredible support when I know that he must be hurting too; in short, find my joy and happiness again. It is there in the shadows, waiting to come back out. So I will laugh and cry--much, read trashy books, start working out again, and return to the oceanside--the one place where I truly can relax (okay, so I'm a Pisces--go figure--plus I live in south Florida).

And I want you all to know that your comments mean the world to me. I am so honored that you shared your love and comforting thoughts with me when you each have gone--and continue to go through--so much of your own good and bad. To know that you are out there, caring for me and my pain blows my mind, you who don't know me personally yet know more about me than just about any of my closest friends. I am grateful to know that I am not alone and, for this, I thank you. You each give me the strength to carry on when I think my spirit has been irretrievably broken.

So I will eventually pick up the pieces, get out the duct tape, and put my heart back in my chest (right after I find and corral that fucker--seems it ran off and bum rushed the stands after winning me those medals; haven't seen it since--I think it's out celebrating at the Plaka--or however those partying Greeks spell it).

Thank you, every last one of you, for your strength and grace...you are each my heroine.