/ The RE's Muse

The RE's Muse

After 4 years of infertility, 2 surgeries, 1 miscarriage, and 19 months of high risk pregnancies, hubby and I now have two little women in our lives--one a toddler, the other not far behind. Buckle your seatbelts, it's gonna be a wild ride.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Time for me to fly (aka post #297)

I think the time has come to 'shut 'er down'--"her" being this here blawg.

This space was a much needed refuge for me when I was deep in the throes of infertility hell. It was back in early 2004 that I first came upon that founding mother, Grrl at Chez Miscarriage, during a G00gle search and discovered the world of infertility blogs. I 'met' some wonderful women here, all of whom knew firsthand the exact misery I was going through (you ladies all know who you are) and were able to help me keep my head up and keep moving forward. I hope I was able to help any and all of you at least half as much as you did me.

Now, over 4 years later, I'm chasing after two toddlers and trying to stay afloat as a partner, wife, best friend, daughter, etc. If anyone had told me back in 2000, when we first started trying to conceive, that this would one day by my life, I'd have called them a liar (but in a nice way). Today, eight years later, I have everything I ever wanted and then some...alas, but without enough hours in the day to enjoy it all.

I think it's time for me to go, to move on from this place. Sadly, blogging has taken a back seat to just about everything else in my life these days.

I'll still be around in the comments section, checking in on you. If anyone is interested in staying in touch, feel free to give me a shout at themesas @ gmail dot com. I'm also on Faceb00k so, if you're on there too and we're not yet Faceb00k friends, holla at your girl :-) and I'll give you the lowdown on my real name (which most of you probably know already) so you can find me/I can find you and we can keep the romance alive.

Wishing you each love and peace on your journey through this crazy world.
Thank you for sharing the ride with me along the way.

They thank you too...for helping their mom be a better person and mother.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

It's pouring

About 2 days into our South American sojourn, both girls were hacking like long-time pack-a-day smokers. Chalk it up to the smog and heavy pollution of the continent's 3rd-highest capital city. I'm sure the fact that we were staying with friends, whose home is at about 9,600 feet above sea level wasn't helping either.

As for me, I weathered a 1-day headache the day after we arrived as I 'adjusted' (and I use the term loosely) to the altitude. Knocked on wood for the slack the universe threw my way.

Back home, 8 days later, both girls were still hacking their lungs out. Friday found us at the ped with D. Dx, upper respiratory infection, 10-day course of antibiotics. She, being somewhat little and easily swayed restrained, is generally agreeable to taking the med.

Sunday finds J feverish and grouchy. Monday found her with a 103 to 104.4 degree fever. Again to the ped. Dx, sinus infection, 5-day course of antibiotics that she has been fighting taking...and I mean FIGHTING, hands, legs, feet, you name it, tooth and nail.

You haven't really hit a low in parenthood until your husband has forcefully held your child down, arms pinned under his legs, prying her mouth open so you can give her 1/2 teaspoon of a vile-tasting liquid that she insists on spitting back out at you.

Good times are being had by all.

Friday, October 03, 2008

Post #295...and I'm leaving on a jet plane

Okay, make that "we're" leaving on a jet plane...tomorrow, actually.

That's right, the whole Dee clan is picking up and heading to points south, in South America that is, for a whole glorious 8 days.

4 days in the mountains (9,000 feet above sea-level, I shit you not), followed by 4 days on the beach. Hello sea-level old friend, we meet again.

I'm hoping that the altitude sickness I had last time we journeyed to this same locale (10! years ago--can't believe it's been that long) does not see fit to strike again. It was manageable last time; this time I'll have the demands of two toddlers to tend to...and, oh yeah, the mister too, so correction; make that three toddlers family members to tend to.

Hoping like hell we (meaning A and I) survive the 3-hour flight with the girls. Hell, hoping we survive the drive to Miami just to get to the airport. Speaking of which, bet you didn't know that Miami has won the "rudest drivers" distinction the last two years in a row?! Now you do :-)

Wish us luck, we may need it, despite the fact that we have armored ourselves with new toys, snacks, and a portable DVD player and DVDs. Let's hope it's enough.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Goals...I gots one

Alas, it is not all princess dresses and Disney trips in the Dee house, but it is a good life most days :-)

So much so that in honor of an upcoming milestone in my life (4-0!) next Spring, I've committed myself to struggling through participating in this....Disn3y Princess Half Marathon.

Mind you, I'm not going to actually RUN in the marathon, hells no. With 38G breasts, running and I do not get along. I'm going to walk it--but hey, I do have to keep up a 16-minute mile pace in order to stay on the course and not get pulled from the race.

My training commenced on Sept. 8th, 6 months to the day the marathon takes place. I've got 6 months to prepare and get serious. This is the second week and I am feeling great. I've been walking three to four days a week, anywhere from 3.6 to 4 miles each outing (clocking around a 15-minute mile). I've also cut my sugars and carbs way back to, like, almost nothing, and have upped my protein exponentially. Down three pounds so far, more to come I imagine.

Losing weight is not my motivation in this endeavor. Getting healthy and fit is. Reality smacked me upside the head last week when I realized that, theoretically, my life could already be halfway over. Wow, just, wow.

I'm inspired, and happy, and looking forward to challenging myself. I'm going to be 40, me! (holy crap, how did that happen?!), and perhaps in the best shape of my life by the time it rolls around in March. I'm looking forward to seeing what I can do. I've set my mind to it, now I just need to make it happen.

Any big goals you've set for yourself recently? Or am I just crazy? No wait, don't answer that.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Growing pains

Tomorrow, Miss J leaves for her first trip without Mommy & Daddy.

First thing in the morning, she is heading to her aunt's house and joining them for a three-day jaunt to Disn3y W0rld. It will be her second trip to the park (we went for Xmas last year) but it is the first time she will ever be on a trip without us. Talk about a weird feeling.

Surprisingly, I'm not worried. As a matter of fact, I'm excited for her. I think she's going to have a great time. Besides, as many of us know firsthand, your kids are always better behaved for someone else.

I'm trying to wrap my mind around the fact that my 'first' baby is 3 years old (okay, she's 3 years and 3 months) and my 'baby' is 19 months old. Last week, the "baby" dressed up in the princess dress that J wore for Halloween last year...and it fit, perfectly. Witness the picture of both D and J (below right) taken just last week...versus the picture of J on the right, taken last year October. Wow. They really do grow up quickly, huh?

And now, she's going off for a weekend without us. Sigh. Next thing I know, I'll blink and she'll be leaving for college.

For now, though, this weekend, A and I will be parenting only one child. Whatever shall we do with ourselves?

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Hear hear, eye eye

J's surgery last Friday went off without a hitch. (Note to self: Find out if it's wrong to laugh heartily at your child, stoned off her gourd and talking nonsense, while under the influence of medication.) To say her hearing has improved would be an understatement; now let's just hope we've seen the last of the ear infections.

This past Sunday found me at the emergency room...for which child you ask? Neither. For moi.

I had been battling (what I thought was) a sinus headache for a few days. I saw the ENT at J's pre-op appointment last Thursday and he scoped my sinuses, declaring them clear and saw no indication of why I'd been getting the headaches.

Fast forward to this past Sunday and I woke up with what may well have been the worst pain I've ever experienced...this from a gal who's birthed two babies from her 'underneefy bits' (with epidurals and all, but still). The headache got so bad, I had to go to the ER. It physically hurt to move my eyes, I was nauseous, it felt like a steel band was squeezing around my head at eye-level. I was miserable.

So, the ER...talk about a clusterfuck. Apparently, the new MO at my local ER is that you get triaged, preliminarily treated, sent back to waiting, treated some more, sent back to waiting, maybe get assigned to an ER bay, and then ultimately be discharged or admitted. In my case, this meant that I got triaged and temporarily assigned a bed while they inserted an IV, then was told to go back out and sit in the waiting room (with the heplock in my arm) for the next person to come get me (for a CT scan) about a half-hour later. Got scanned, then was returned to the waiting room yet again before being called back about a half-hour later and assigned to a bed/bay in the actual ER. There went 7 hours of my life I can't get back.

Long story short...migraine. First one ever. Relief was not immediate; in fact, I still have some lingering 'eye' pain today that is slowly tapering off. I hope/pray/cross my fingers/sacrifice small animals imagine that it will finally leave sometime in the next day or so.

There is one interesting factor that coincided with this migraine. Back last week, A and I bought a new memory foam mattress topper in an effort to make our bed softer. We let it air out for a day and then put it on our bed last Monday (the 18th). I woke up the following morning with a slight headache of the sinus variety, or so I thought. That headache plagued me off and on all week long until I was finally convinced (on Sunday morning) that the link between the onset of the topper and my headache was too strong to be coincidental. The ER docs think it may be very possible as well.

I promptly pulled that bitch off the bed, had A roll it up and stuff it back in its box (no small feat since it came vacuum-packed), and I returned it to C0stc0 today. I couldn't get it out of the house fast enough.

Now, if only I can get rid of this slight lingering headache; it too cannot be gone fast enough.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Rain, rain go away

It has been raining here since Monday evening. I'm talking deluge after deluge. The rain gauge in my yard maxes out at 8 inches--it has been full to the brim all week so no telling exactly how much rain has fallen here. It has to be at least a foot to a foot-and-a-half, if not more. The yard is like a small lake with at least 4-6 inches of standing water covering about a-third to a-half of the acre and a quarter we call home.

We need the rain, that much is for sure. Alas, the lack of blue sky can get a girl kinda down and that is where I'm at lately. Add to that the fact that I have had an incredibly painful sinus headache off-and-on (more on than off), along with a low-grade (99-100 degree) fever for the past 3 days, and I'm one unhappy camper.

J goes for her pre-op consultation this afternoon and I've managed to tag myself onto her appointment time so the ENT will check my sinuses after checking out the mini. Wouldn't you know it though, my sinus pain seems to be letting up today.

As of right now, she is scheduled for surgery tomorrow morning at 7 a.m. I've managed so far not to think about it very much, for--if I do--I'm liable to freak the fuck right out. Please keep her in your good thoughts. Even though it's a minor procedure (ear tube insertion and adenoid removal) in the grand scheme of things, she's still my baby, and I'm still worried.

Perhaps the sun will return tomorrow, to take the gloomy edge off....

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