Sensitivity training

I've always been the sensitive one. I cry easily at movies, be they sappy or not. I cry when there is sad news (e.g., the death of Princess Diana, the death of Pope John Paul, and so on). I sometimes cry for the smallest of slights or comments--of course, I do wait until I'm alone before unleashing my tears in those cases. Wouldn't want folks to think I'm completely unhinged now, would I?

Since having a child though, there is something about sad or horrible news pertaining to children that hits me hard. Before J, sure, I'd hear news reports about a child killed or injured or something equally horrible and it would register briefly. 'Oh, how sad. Poor family,' and so on. I felt bad for a brief while, then my attention moved on to the next news story.

Nowadays though, when I read or hear a news story that involves a child, it about rips me to shreads. I cry, big honking tears, and often I think about the child and/or what happened long after hearing the news story. It sticks with me and I often cry again at the memory of the story.

For instance, some months ago in my county, there was a four-month old boy killed by his father during a dispute with the boy's mother. They were teen parents and apparently their relationship had been off-and-on for some time. When the child's father accused the mother of cheating on him, an altercation ensued and he then took the baby, this innocent four-month old boy, and swung him by one leg onto the hood of his car. He basically bashed that child onto the hood with enough force to kill him. But that wasn't enough, no. He then drove off with the boy, but without the boy's mother, threw the child into a canal several blocks away and then drove back to the boy's mother to tell her what he had just done.

Fundamentally, since having a child, something has changed inside me. I have become ultra senstive to the news stories that involve a child. Perhaps it is that I can't fathom what the parents of a hurt or missing or murdered child are going through. I can, however, imagine that their pain is beyond comprehension.

At the same time, I can't wrap my head around the fact that someone would intentionally harm a child...not when I wanted my own child for so long and was unable to. Not when I longed for, hoped for, wished for a child with every iota of my being for four long years. And now that she's here, it begs me to wonder 'how does someone do that to an innocent child?'

Since having J, I guess I'm bound to wear my heart on my sleeve...and cry lots. And that's alright by me.