/ The RE's Muse: Sensitivity training

The RE's Muse

After 4 years of infertility, 2 surgeries, 1 miscarriage, and 19 months of high risk pregnancies, hubby and I now have two little women in our lives--one a toddler, the other not far behind. Buckle your seatbelts, it's gonna be a wild ride.

Monday, October 09, 2006

Sensitivity training

I've always been the sensitive one. I cry easily at movies, be they sappy or not. I cry when there is sad news (e.g., the death of Princess Diana, the death of Pope John Paul, and so on). I sometimes cry for the smallest of slights or comments--of course, I do wait until I'm alone before unleashing my tears in those cases. Wouldn't want folks to think I'm completely unhinged now, would I?

Since having a child though, there is something about sad or horrible news pertaining to children that hits me hard. Before J, sure, I'd hear news reports about a child killed or injured or something equally horrible and it would register briefly. 'Oh, how sad. Poor family,' and so on. I felt bad for a brief while, then my attention moved on to the next news story.

Nowadays though, when I read or hear a news story that involves a child, it about rips me to shreads. I cry, big honking tears, and often I think about the child and/or what happened long after hearing the news story. It sticks with me and I often cry again at the memory of the story.

For instance, some months ago in my county, there was a four-month old boy killed by his father during a dispute with the boy's mother. They were teen parents and apparently their relationship had been off-and-on for some time. When the child's father accused the mother of cheating on him, an altercation ensued and he then took the baby, this innocent four-month old boy, and swung him by one leg onto the hood of his car. He basically bashed that child onto the hood with enough force to kill him. But that wasn't enough, no. He then drove off with the boy, but without the boy's mother, threw the child into a canal several blocks away and then drove back to the boy's mother to tell her what he had just done.

Fundamentally, since having a child, something has changed inside me. I have become ultra senstive to the news stories that involve a child. Perhaps it is that I can't fathom what the parents of a hurt or missing or murdered child are going through. I can, however, imagine that their pain is beyond comprehension.

At the same time, I can't wrap my head around the fact that someone would intentionally harm a child...not when I wanted my own child for so long and was unable to. Not when I longed for, hoped for, wished for a child with every iota of my being for four long years. And now that she's here, it begs me to wonder 'how does someone do that to an innocent child?'

Since having J, I guess I'm bound to wear my heart on my sleeve...and cry lots. And that's alright by me.


At 11:32 PM, Anonymous Jen said...

those news reports "are" crushing and I often have sneaky tears at news time.

I can't understand why anyone would hurt a child but then maybe for those that it comes too easily too (procreation) perhaps they have no concept of what it is they really have. or maybe as a toss away society that we've become life no longer holds the respect it deserves. I don't honestly know but that bloke needs stringing up by his hairy ones.sick pr'ick

At 2:00 AM, Blogger Cat, Galloping said...

I know, I know, I spend a lot of time trying to avoid those stories. But I accidentally clicked on a link on CNN yesterday about a woman who used her 4 week old as a weapon-- swung him through the air to hit her bf/child's father, fracturing the child's skull and causing bleeding in the brian. Aiiieeeeee!!!!

At 9:04 AM, Blogger Carol said...

The news just keeps getting more heartbreaking to watch as time goes on!

At 12:25 PM, Blogger Amanda said...

Not only the news, but even television shows. I used to be a huge fan of shows like CSI or the like. I can not watch them since my J was born. I have no desire in watching children die, or lose their parents or be sexually abused or anything for entertainment. I am appalled that I watched them before. As for the news, I don't watch it either. I used to have a problem with news stories about animal abuse. Clicking the channel the second I heard a preview for a story about it. Now without being able to handle animals or kids stories, not a lot of news is on in my house anymore.

Totally agree.

At 6:17 PM, Blogger Toffee said...

I have been this way since I was a child. My mom found me at age 4 crying in front of the TV as they were broadcasting a story on child abuse (I don't remember this). I think it so hard to understand how cruel and thoughtless people can be to each other. It is hard to avoid all news, esp with all the stuff about school shootings going on.

I think the consoling thing is that when I am at the playground, I see other parents and I helping each other out and making sure all the children are safe and happy. That the majority of the people in the world are kind to one another.

Personally I think a lot of it is substance abuse, drinking, and immaturity involved in those terrible cases.

At 8:51 PM, Blogger BSumner said...

Something most definately happens to you when you have your own babies. Like you, I am now much much more sensitive when it comes to a child or baby being harmed or mistreated in some way. when I see these stories, all I can think about are my own children, and it's just too much to take.

At 12:41 PM, Blogger lagiulia said...

Yeah, that stuff gets to me too now. Especially when the boys were in the hospital... real bad.
Hope you are feeling well with the pregnancy!

At 10:23 PM, Blogger ThreeBees said...

It gets to me more now too. . .It is so profoundly disturbing to me when someone hurts a child even more so now that I have one of my own and adore her beyond words. . .

At 11:56 PM, Blogger Heather said...

I am soooo there with you. It's always made me sick to hear the things people are capable of, especially regarding their children, but now it makes me actually physically sick. There are so many crazy sickos in this world, it's terrifying.


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