Highs and lows, dreams and hope

In the last 10 months, I've hit the lowest of lows in my life (mc) and the highest of highs (pregnancies 1 and 2). This past Saturday's baby shower may rank right up there with the highs. The weather was gorgeous: about 80 degrees, with a hearty breeze blowing, the sun shining and the humidity low. The room at the clubhouse was decorated beautifully and the women who I hold dearest in my life were all - for the most part - there.

There was good food, good conversation, good company. Yes, there were some silly shower games but that's what you do (thankfully there was no humiliating 'what's the mom-to-be's waist measurement?' guessing game) and I think everyone had a great time. There was a book passed around for the guests to write their sentiments to me in (which I still can't bring myself to read just yet) and there was a stuffed dog passed around for all the guests to sign for the baby. One day, when she's old enough, I'll tell her about the day and what each of those women mean to me.

During the shower, I only broke down once and cried briefly--and that was when one of the co-hosts (a fellow infertile herself) wanted me to read the book sentiments out loud during a small lull in the gift opening. I opened it up and started to read one passage to myself but could get no further, nor could I dare dream of reading it out loud. It meant too much to me, plus my pain still hides under the surface. I couldn't bare myself like that, not then, and especially not there. It was such a happy day and I didn't want to be sad. And I wasn't. Not when there was so much love in the room. And especially since I was so very happy.

I can't thank these women enough for their incredible generosity. The amount of gifts my dear sweet girl received was overwhelming. Five car loads of family and friends came back to my house after the shower, each car laden with goods. And while we were out 'showering,' A put the shelving up in the nursery closet. So when I got home, the girls and I hung up all the baby clothes received (by age/size). There is also a mound of baby goods in the middle of the nursery floor and another one in the family room. Our family and friends essentially cleaned out our registry, leaving only 30 or so of the 100+ items we had wanted. Like I said, completely overwhelming. This child of ours is so very loved as are A and I. We're very fortunate indeed even though at times during this journey I may not have thought so.

Only a handful of select ladies in attendance Saturday know what it took for A and I to get here, to this magical place where the odds are likely we will be having a baby anywhere from 6 to 9 weeks from now, to this land of dreams and hope...a place I like very much indeed. A place I never thought I'd find.

P.S. I'd love to post nursery pics (not that there's much in there yet--crib not put together, changing table not yet ordered) but I don't know how to do this on blogger--any tips? Any other software program out there that'll do the trick cheaply or, even better, for free?