/ The RE's Muse: Just passing time

The RE's Muse

After 4 years of infertility, 2 surgeries, 1 miscarriage, and 19 months of high risk pregnancies, hubby and I now have two little women in our lives--one a toddler, the other not far behind. Buckle your seatbelts, it's gonna be a wild ride.

Monday, February 07, 2005

Just passing time

Ho hum...not much going on around here these days. Just interminable waiting, I'm sure most of you know the kind. Two weeks of sheer agony, hell on earth. Alas, while my wait this time does not involve analyzing my body for pregnancy symptoms, I am analyzing my body for living baby symptoms. That is, do I feel it moving still? Check. Can we find the heartbeat every night with the doppler? Check. Is my waistline still disappearing about as fast as acres of Brazilian rainforest are? Check--though that could be all the eating and not necessarily the baby growing. And at least every few hours, I ask A yet again, "Now are you sure you saw the baby's hand fully open at that ultrasound?" and his answer is always the same: "Positive." I take that to be a very good sign indeed since clenched hands are often a hallmark of trisomy 18. And I take each movement I feel the baby make as another good sign since fetal inactivity can be also be a hallmark.

Outside of that, there's not a lot I can do to make the time pass any faster. I putter around the house, do dishes, straighten up things, or fall asleep on the couch at some point in time (it happens so frequently that A has crafted quite a library of photos of such on the digital camera--we're wild huh?).

The genetic counselor did call us at 7:30 Thursday night to personally let us know about the lab error and that we'd have to wait a full 10 days for the results. Maybe she didn't realize that I had already found this out from the nurse (though the nurse said 10 to 14 days for results) earlier that day. The genetic counselor also clarified that it was quite normal for blood to get in an amniotic fluid sample. Apparently, when the needle goes into the uterine wall, a small bit of tissue can get in the tip and sucked into the sample when the fluid is aspirated. So while the sample looked normal to the naked eye, the tissue and blood from it rendered it useless.

I don't think about that. Instead, I wait and try to keep my mind busy elsewhere. Yesterday I went to lunch at The Cheesecake Factory and to see The Wedding Date with two girlfriends which helped burn a few hours, as did grocery shopping. For my "Ebert moment," I can say the movie was enjoyable, though predicable...I enjoyed the book it was based on (Asking for Trouble by Elizabeth Young) more.

Anyway, I try not to dwell too much on time these days. I'm taking an optimistic approach (which is SO not me) and truly believing that this baby is fine--and I will continue thinking that way until someone tells me otherwise.

So while I may be setting myself up for an incredible, precipitous fall if bad news comes back from the amnio, I can't let myself dwell on that now. For today, this baby still thrives, still lives, is healthy, and nothing has shown up on any previous ultrasound to tell me otherwise. For today, at 18 1/2 weeks, I am still pregnant and so very grateful for each day that has passed and each that dawns fresh, with hope for tomorrow. For today, I can keep the darkness at bay for another day while I wait for news that should be good, that I hope with all my heart will be good. That's the best I can do...and say thank you for waiting with me and helping make the time more bearable (great jokes and web sites you provided too!).


At 8:02 AM, Blogger Toni said...

Just want you to know that I'm thinking of you guys...and waiting patiently (which is odd for me - not a patient person).

Hope all continues to be well. Still have nothing to share - but Ebay is always fun :)

At 9:40 AM, Blogger E. said...

I wish I had one of those hourglasses I could turn over to speed the time for you. My fingers are still crossed....

At 9:43 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

The open hand is a very good sign. By the way- the expanding waistline? Trust me, it's the baby, because I've been eating the same way as I did before I was pregnant and I can almost tell the difference of how huge my stomach is getting by the DAY, not week. Sometimes it feels like I'm going to burst open. Sometimes it feels like the baby is stretching or turning around and it's so....weird. Does that happen to you or is my baby really an alien sent to destroy all humans in the war against the machines (as the lovely frontal picture of it's skull on the ultrasound made him appear to be)?
10 days is a long ass time.

At 10:37 AM, Blogger Jenn said...

Dee--You will know soon enough--and I truly admire the grace and patience you are exhibiting during this time--YOU GO, GIRL! I, too, am waiting along with you.

At 11:08 AM, Blogger Pazel said...

I think you're handling this really well. I hate the wait and uncertainty. Yesterday I made rice crispy treats, you should make some. They're yummmmy. I love sweets when I'm anxious.

At 11:37 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thinking of you and hoping for good news.


At 5:30 PM, Blogger Jen P said...

Dee, I have every faith in this baby, and this baby will be fine. I think of you and your little on so much, and I am willing those techs to find a way to speed this test up. Even 24 hours is impossible to wait, I can't imagine the hell of 10 more days.

If you'd like, could you email me, privately, at jen @ therubberband DOT com and we can exchange emails?

I hope you're doing ok and getting some rest when you can.

Best wishes to you and your husband and the wee one.

At 5:48 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

18 and 1/2 weeks : )
Wishing the days could pass by sooner so you can get your answers.

At 7:47 PM, Blogger pregnancyweekly said...

Hope all goes well for you.

At 1:05 PM, Blogger Lala said...

I've got a lot of catching up to do here. I do have you bookmarked but hadn't commented. Thanks for your support yesterday. I'll be following along.


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