And now the panic is real...

I just got a call from one of the doctors at my OB practice (one who I haven't yet met). It seems that my integrated serum screen test has come back in the abnormal range. Yes, I'm aware of the false-positive capability of this test (though supposedly not as high a false-positive rate as the standard triple screen test) but my terror level has now racheted up to unbearable.

The doctor said the first thing they need to do is confirm my dates with ultrasound. I reminded him that I have the level 2 ultrasound on Monday so he's going to fax my results to the peri's office and also let the genetic counselor there know as well. The doctor was kind enough to tell me that a lot of times it turns out to be nothing but they need to be certain of dates, etc., before knowing what the next step may be.

I'd read (on another blog, can't remember whose right now) that several factors can cause an abnormal result--particularly if you have factors that are not in keeping with "normal" pregnant women (those without PCOS, not on any meds, not heavy, etc.). I don't have PCOS, but I am insulin resistant, and while not heavy per se, I'm definitely of 'hearty' stock, and I'm on two medications that may play a part (metformin and dexamethasone). Do those factors play a part? I don't know. But I do know that I'm so very scared.

I'm at work, but I can't stop crying, can't stop worrying that something has gone so wrong. I'm terrified at the thought of doing amnio, at the risk of loss from it when it's 1 in 250 (per the rate quoted me by the genetic counselor), and at the risk of not knowing if something is horribly horribly wrong with himorshe, something my own fucked up genetics may have caused.

How can I get through the days until Monday? Until I have to make the decision on what to do next? I just don't know--so many things--and that is the worst part.

(UPDATED TO ADD: The peri office called me to reschedule my Monday appt--they now want me to see the genetic counselor at 8:30 in the morning and changed my ultrasound from 4 p.m. to 1 p.m. When I just called back to confirm and see if we could move the appts up to tomorrow so I could reclaim some semblance of normalcy to my heart and mind, I was told that both perinatalogists don't work on Fridays--and also that my 1 p.m. appt for Monday is not for an ultrasound, it's for amnio. I explained to the receptionist that the girl who called me never said the words "amniocentesis" when she called to reschedule me; instead she led me to believe that I'd just be having the ultrasound, 3 hours earlier than previously scheduled. Now I wait for her to call me back to clarify--especially since A has a 2 p.m. appt on Monday that he can't reschedule--and there's no way I can even begin to contemplate doing amnio--if that's what this comes to--without him with me. Turns out the visit is for either a Level 2 or an amnio, depending on what we decide to do.--ALSO, test results show that I have a 1 in 5 risk for baby with trisomy 18--the age related risk for this in my age group is 1 in 970. My brief google research found that 90% of babies with trisomy 18 don't live past age 1, 20-30% die in their first month. What to do, what to do....)