/ The RE's Muse: No sex, possibly no videotape, but maybe some lies

The RE's Muse

After 4 years of infertility, 2 surgeries, 1 miscarriage, and 19 months of high risk pregnancies, hubby and I now have two little women in our lives--one a toddler, the other not far behind. Buckle your seatbelts, it's gonna be a wild ride.

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

No sex, possibly no videotape, but maybe some lies

*Boring post alert - and with waaay too much himorshe talk*
Not much new to report. Still no nookie-getting in the Dee house and--sadly--no more sleep orgasms. The uterus has been a bit crampy/twingy lately, which I've been assured is completely normal.

Yesterday was our 15/16 week OB visit where I got to meet another one of the five partners. She was very nice, the 'crunchy' type if you will. She asked me the standard questions about how I'm feeling (no nausea, no swelling, etc.) and also mentioned that sometime before I deliver (another one who's convinced I'm having a baby, maybe they know something I don't) they'll give me steroids intravenously and then wean me off them by tapering the dose thereafter (okay, so I'm having visions of a large dose steroid and the resultant "moon face" appearance so I hope that's not what we're talking about here).

I asked why this would be done and she explained that because of my congenital adrenal hyperplasia and the body's tendency to pump out hormones from the adrenal in times of extreme stress, i.e., labor and delivery, this means that my adrenal may or may not do as it's supposed to--or at least that's what I took from her explanation. She told me I looked great (apparently she didn't notice the number that the scale threw out at me before going into her office), my BP was good, and everything looked good. No ultrasound--drats--but we did listen in on himorshe's heartbeat which the doc found on the first go and pronounced as sounding good, which was somewhat of a relief given the fact that...

The last few evenings I've had a difficult time locating the baby's heartbeat with the doppler which, as you can imagine, scares the bejeesus out of me. The doc said the baby simply is laying deep in my uterus at times which is why this happens. Pretty soon, she reassured me, s/he'll be high enough that that won't be an issue any more as space become more precious in there. Let's hope so 'cause it's been causing a wee bit o'stress lo these past three evenings. A thinks I'm just causing myself needless worry so I've been trying not to listen in on himorshe nightly so as not to cause myself undue stress...ha! trying, but failing miserably.

T-minus 13 days to level 2 ultrasound and counting (and I'm told we may be able to get a videotape of this if we bring one along but we'll get more pics regardless--yea!). But, I think I may cheat on the peri with this one--I'm so jazzed to learn himorshe's gender that I have made an appointment for next Monday with a local (well, okay, "local" if I lived in Miami) technology school that has an ultrasound program. For $25, a tech in the program will perform an ultrasound under the guidance of his/her instructor and voila! gender known a full week ahead of the doc's ultrasound. Well, I made the appointment for the tech place but I don't know how I'll feel (or make that, how A will feel) about driving down to Miami for it after work on Monday so I may not go, we'll see. We're talking a 90 or so mile drive but, at the same time, we could combine it with dinner with A's family beforehand. I mean, it's only another week after that until we find out at the peri's but damnit, I'm an impatient person so...maybe we'll go.

Other than that, I've got a "social get together" this Thursday evening with some of the people who've attended our local Resolve meetings (um, what can I say? I'm the 2005 VP for our local chapter), only one of whom (she's sort of my right hand person) knows that I'm pg. I tried to decline, saying I may make others uncomfortable there since I'm now visibly showing but she says my pg is more inspirational than off-putting so I should attend. Gah, I just don't know. They've never met A (I don't bring him to meetings with me) so I'd like them to have that opportunity but, at the same time, I know the pain my presence may bring others and I don't want to do that to anyone. Am I being too sensitive or should I firmly excuse myself from attending?

On a related note, it's been so dang chilly--low to mid-40s--here these past few nights (okay, you can pick yourselves up off the floor from laughing so hard at that one--but really, having grown up here in the "tropics," you get soft when it come to cool/cold weather) that I could perhaps beg off saying it has something to do with the weather and that I'm coming down with something (though I just recovered from something not two weeks ago). What else could be a good excuse? I just think my presence there will be too much for some and, though I voiced that concern--where's my VP clout? (oh, yeah, right, there isn't any)--it didn't seem to warrant any merit. Now it seems it may be the time to lie...something I'm not particularly fond of doing. Any suggestions--WWYD?


At 10:19 AM, Blogger Toffee said...

I guess go with your gut feeling. You don't have to lie, just say you can't make it and leave it at that. Resolve is a infertility support group right? I don't think people should be upset about you being pregnant as long as you aren't obnoxious about it (I wouldn't think that of you as I have known a bit of you thru your blog). I agree with your friend, they should be inspired that it can work! I don't know if you'd need to broadcast that you are pregnant..they might just think you are fat?! If people ask specifically, then you can share if you want.

At 11:41 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

My uterus is also crampy/twingy sometimes, especially when I walk! I feel better now. Since you're finding out the baby's sex, and I'm not, I'm probably going to think my baby is whatever your baby is because everything has been so much the same for us as far as symptoms and dates and it's just wierd. Then I will think, maybe it's trying to trick me, and it's really the opposite! Oh well. Everyone except my mom either hopes or thinks it's a boy. I have no clue.
When my dr. did the doppler in the office yesterday, it does what it always does when I try to do it- first I hear it, then I don't, then if I fish around for it, I find it again. The dr said it's the baby moving. My ultrasound is Feb 1 and my next appt is Valentines Day.
Well about the meeting, I would assume you're about the size I am, which is I can only hide that I'm pregnant if I'm wearing loose maternity clothes ie empire waist flowy shirts. But those shirts make you look pregnant anyways, ya know? So, I personally wouldn't go. Even if everyone acted happy I would probably feel out of place and would be hoping I wasn't making people felt the way I felt when I really wanted to be pregnant. Not that you should feel that way, or that you have anything to be guilty about, it's just a strange dynamic in the infertile world as you know, and I remember I *think* it was Karen posting on her blog about a lady bringing a baby into the IVF clinic. Not a good feeling. If you need an excuse just say work or relatives in town or something.
Like Dr. Phil, I don't ask you to substitute my judgement for your own. I'm just glad we've made it far enough to actually be discussing things like this.

At 11:42 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

(dammit I always forget my name!!!!)


At 1:05 PM, Blogger Jenn said...

That certaintly was not a boring post. I, too understand your reservations regarding RESOLVE. My feeling is, for as many people who will find your pregancy inspirational, there will be just as many that resent it--it's just the way it is. I understand your guilt--I already feel guilty about the title of my blog--which I started during my 2ww--and you know how that turned out. I keep thinking I need to change the title to reflect my current state--however that would mean that I would have to accept my condition--which I have yet to do. Keep the posts coming--I check each day and look forward to hearing how you are progressing. PS-- there is no sex in our household either.

At 2:26 PM, Blogger Soper said...

Since it WILL eventually come out to the group that you are pg, it might be good for you to skip the meeting but ask your friend to announce your good news for you. That way, the next time you go, people will have settled thru the "shock" and processed their own grief, so they can be supportive of you. And then go home and cry and eat Nutella right out of the jar, who are we kidding...

At 9:38 PM, Blogger Day said...

I like Soper's suggestion - infertiles are rightfully sensitive (sometimes over-sensitive) to that stuff and giving them time to process your happy news will help everyone so the next time you all see each other you can be authentic and things won't get weird and you can all enjoy each other's company.

Sorry to hear about the cold weather and the lack of sex. It's 6 degrees here and we did the deed ONCE in the last 18 weeks, and it wasn't what you'd call a good romp. So I know your pain. Hang in there.

At 1:44 AM, Blogger Kristin said...

Definitely not a boring post. And, I'll join the bandwagon and say that I too really like Soper's idea.

At 8:57 AM, Blogger ankaisa said...

Others have given you good advice. I would not go to the meeting if I was you. It always hurts to learn that someone is pregnant, and it would certainly be too much for some if you showed up without any warning beforehand. It's not like they would not be happy for you, it's more like why not me, too?

At 5:25 PM, Blogger Toni said...

I say Cheat...do the drive if it makes you happy.

Agree with Soper on the meeting.

At 10:14 AM, Blogger E. said...

Just dropping by belatedly to offer my congratulations on the good heartbeat!


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