/ The RE's Muse: How can I thank you?

The RE's Muse

After 4 years of infertility, 2 surgeries, 1 miscarriage, and 19 months of high risk pregnancies, hubby and I now have two little women in our lives--one a toddler, the other not far behind. Buckle your seatbelts, it's gonna be a wild ride.

Sunday, February 04, 2007

How can I thank you?


How do I personally thank each of you wonderful women when we've never had the pleasure of meeting in person? How can I accurately convey just how much your words mean to me during this extremely difficult time?

I don't know but I'll give it my best.

When A and I first started trying to grow our family back in 2001, we thought it would be a cut and dried issue. Have sex, get pregnant, simple as that. But for us, as for many of you, it was not. It was a long road, an arduous road, one that you think you're not prepared for, and you're not. But you head down it anyway, doing what you can to get through it, to hopefully expand your family.

Along the way you realize just how alone you are in your journey. How no one else you know IRL (for many of us, that is) is going through the struggle you are. But then you stumble onto the world of blogs, and you come across women who are in a similar situation to your own (I found this world through GetUpGrrl--who is sorely missed). You read the words of these incredible women, these strong women, and you realize that you have something...even if it's just the tenuous grasp of hope...in common.

That's how I felt about discovering the world of blogs, particularly infertility blogs, back in 2004. I continue to come across new-to-me blogs to this day that I can't get enough of. Finally, other people who "get it." Each and every time, I become so hopeful for them, so entwined in their stories, and heck, I even made some special connections along the way. And it seems that some of you feel the same way about me (for this I also thank you).

To have your support now, in this darkest of times for me, is beyond anything I could have ever imagined. Please know how much your words are helping me keep my chin up, how they inspire me to keep whispering to Daniela how important it is to keep fighting.

I don't think I've truly conveyed how much your love means to me but please please please know that it does. My girl and I are beyond grateful (as are my other girl and A too). We've had no changes in Daniela's condition today, she's still heavily sedated but doing well. We'll know more in the coming days. Here I was hoping time would fly in the days before I was due to be induced--well, now I'm willing them to fly even faster--anything to get us some answers, some idea of what to expect, as we await test results and more.

I take comfort in your words, your thoughts, your love, your support. They remind me, yet again, that I'm stronger than I think.

32 Comments:

At 7:39 PM, Blogger Cat, Galloping said...

she's as beautiful as her name. hang in there, you two (four). sending you some strength.

 
At 8:04 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

you don't know me, I came her from lurking at Menita's site, but you and your beautiful daughter will be in my thoughts and prayers in the coming days.
victoria

 
At 9:00 PM, Blogger Amanda said...

Gorgeous! Just beautiful. I am so glad to see that you have been able to hold her. She knows her mama is there and loving her.

Always in my thoughts.

 
At 9:05 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hello, Dee. I'm visiting here from Menita's blog. Your baby girl is just lovely. I'm just now becoming acquainted with your story, but just wanted you to know that I'm sending good thoughts and prayers. (I was able to let my breath out a bit when you said that Daniela's doctor is hopeful that she'll recover well.) Meanwhile, she'll know you. She'll know who you are. She'll know how much you love her. I'm sure she knows it now.

Best wishes -
Kristin

 
At 9:15 PM, Anonymous sherry said...

What a gorgeous photograph.

Dee, you're amazing and strong and I know you'll come out of this on top. We've been together since the beginning of time, it seems, and just know my hand is reaching out to you and your family, and we're sending all the prayers we can muster.

Much love,
Sherry

 
At 9:32 PM, Blogger liz said...

Menita sent me. I am thinking of you and your daughter and hoping for a complete recovery.

 
At 9:33 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dee, I'm also here by way of Menita. What a beautiful daughter you have. I know it is hard not to hold her these first precious hours. Keep talking to her. She knows your voice. I'll keep you all in my prayers. Jill

 
At 9:37 PM, Blogger lagiulia said...

Oh, Dee, she's absolutely beautiful. Thanks for sharing this photo!

 
At 9:52 PM, Blogger Teri said...

I'm another visitor via Menita. Your daughter is beautiful, absolutely beautiful, and I so dearly hope that she will soon be out of the NICU, home with you, and in your arms when YOU want to hold her, not when Mean Nurse says it's ok. I'm sending many thoughts and good wishes Daniela's way, and to your whole family as well.

 
At 10:15 PM, Blogger Cricket said...

Wow! Look at that head of hair.

Even better, Mom is holding her. Thank goodness for cooperative nurses!

 
At 10:30 PM, Anonymous lobster girl said...

Dee - I've been lurking for ages, but also fell behind in my blog reading. I'm just now catching up, and I'm so sorry you're having to go through this right now. It's so incredibly hard, I know. I'm sending lots of good vibrant thoughts Daniela's way, for whatever that's worth. Hang in there. - LG

 
At 11:00 PM, Blogger ThreeBees said...

She is so lovely! I got nothin' but love for you and your family. Hang in there sweetie. . . I'm sending you all the strength I can. I'll be checking in often. . .

 
At 11:06 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

My tiny brother had a hemorraghic stroke with seizures immediately after birth. He required phenobarb and dilantin to control the seizures, which also caused him to not breathe. His prognosis was not considered good at day 4 until suddenly he extubated himself and proceeded to recover so well he was home within a few days. At 4 months he weaned off all meds and is now on the honor roll.

Babies are incredible beings.

I'll pray for you.

 
At 11:25 PM, Blogger Heather said...

She is gorgeous. Just gorgeous. And also, I'm 100% sure she knows exactly how much her mama loves her. I didn't get to spend any time at all with P & E before they were taken to the NICU, but believe me, we've more than made up for that lack of bonding time in the 21 months since. And you know the one "good" thing about the NICU? She'll never remember a moment of it. You will, of course, and it will always hurt a little bit, but then you'll look at your strong, beautiful girl, and you'll be absolutely overwhelmed with pride at how far she's come.

 
At 12:45 AM, Blogger ladybug said...

ohhhhh what a pretty little girl! i love her name, and that head of hair, and like so many others have said, she is in her momma's arms! she looks peaceful and content and like she is soaking you up, like i am sure you were soaking her up.

still sending prayers for you all.
this post was beautiful. i think in times like this, when we are able to surround someone else in their tough times, it reminds us ALL how strong we really are, when we have the hands of ones who have been there and/or who know and love us holding us up.

god bless you and your family!

 
At 7:16 AM, Blogger Pam! said...

yayyaya a picture! She's beautiful Dee! Bloggers can be amazing people when adversity strikes and you'll always find someone who's been/going through the same thing. That's exactly how I felt when we were doing our first IVF after struggling for 8 years to have a child. I found your blog, as well as several others. Finally! A group of people who understood and had some of the same feelings I did.
Anyway, hang in there and we'll all keep sending prayers & good thoughts.

 
At 7:56 AM, Anonymous Menita said...

Wow, Dee she is absolutely BEAUTIFUL!!! And BIG!!!
Hang in there my friend. It's horrible to be where you are. But your little darling is getting better. I hate mean nurse. But I love you.
Thinking of you constantly.

 
At 10:04 AM, Blogger Mae Midwest said...

Dee, my email to you keeps bouncing back. If you need to talk, I will send my number. Maybe I can help in some way? Daniela is beautiful, look at that hair! We also had issues with mean nurses/nice nurses. Let me know, I am here for you and thinking of you constantly and sending the best wishes possible.

 
At 11:25 AM, Anonymous AdirondackJen said...

Menita sent up the flag, so here we are..the internets, circling the wagons, so to speak. Your daughter is beautiful, just beautiful! The hair! And that adorable nose!

My own 2.0 suffered a huge medical issue with one kidney just after turning 4. It was so isolating living in the hospital, and those days are etched into my memory.

What kept me going then, and what keeps me from freaking out from the memories, is knowing that *everything possible* was done for her and we made her as comfortable as possible throughout. We didn't care that she wouldn't be "perfect" after the whole ordeal....we felt that "almost-perfect" was fine with us...she didn't have to end up perfect, scar-free, restriction-free, or even end up with 2 kidneys..just having her LIVE was perfection.

She turns 9 on Thursday, and aside from a giant abdominal scar & having to sit out contact sports, is utterly perfect in exactly her own way.

You have strength, even though you feel like you're going through the wringer. When you look back, you'll see your strength. Just focus on what's important, and let the rest go. Do everything you can and you'll never have a regret or question whether you did your best. Hold her, fight to bathe her, ask for a different nurse.

Sending out good thoughts and virtual hugs. You're gonna come through this.

 
At 12:00 PM, Anonymous amanda said...

You most definitely are strong. Sending tons of love and good thoughts your way.

 
At 12:32 PM, Blogger Chebbles' Mama said...

Oh Dee, she's just beautiful. I'm crying as I write this, as I have kind of "adopted" your pregnancy throughout (we were due at the same time before my July miscarriage), and my heart is really IN Florida, IN the hospital with Daniela, and IN your home as well. I wish I could hug you right now and tell you how confident I am that everything will be OK. I really do.

 
At 1:19 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i can imagine the fear you must be living with daily. i just came out of my own medical drama, and all the while i just wished for someone to tell me it was going to be ok. none of the doctors seemed to want to until finally one did, and, you know what? it was ok in the end. take what positive comments and hopeful notes that they give you and make them your mantra. live with the hope and i have faith that she will make a full and beautiful recovery.

 
At 1:25 PM, Blogger Cecily said...

Darling, she's just beautiful. As are you, holding it together so well in this dark time. I'll keep you and her in my prayers (heck, A too with his cold!) and hope that all is well.

Thinking of you...

 
At 1:38 PM, Blogger Jo said...

Came over from Menita. She's just lovely, your babe, and to be honest the first thing I noticed wasn't the wires/tubes but that adorable little nose. You all will be in my thoughts.

 
At 1:53 PM, Anonymous Jennifer said...

I found you via lagiulia's blog. First, congratulations on your beautiful baby girl. Second, I wanted to offer a short story of hope. My niece started having seizures for no apparent reason when she was 4 months. She spent two weeks in the NICU, undergoing every test and scan and MRI and needle prodding and poking and exam. Strokes were mentioned, blood clots, water, cysts, some scary diseases and yet they found nothing. She stabilized and was put on anti-seizure medicine and released after she stopped seizing. And after 6 months she was weaned from that and is now a perfectly fine 2 year old. I pray that your story will be story: So much pain and drama and tension and fear with a happy ending. I looks like you are heading that way already.

 
At 1:54 PM, Blogger Kay said...

Tubes, what tubes? Your baby is gorgeous. And she knows you. She will know your smell and your voice - even from your limited time holding her.

I'm popping over from Menita's as well. All my best to you, your family, and especially that precious little darling, Daniela.

Fight, fight, fight! You can do it! Do it for your Momma.

 
At 2:33 PM, Anonymous Leggy said...

Menita sent me here. I'm so sorry you are going through this. She's beautiful. I really hope she has a complete recovery. My prayers are with Daniella and you and the rest of your family.

 
At 3:36 PM, Blogger Celebrate Woo-Woo said...

I'm here to offer some positive thoughts and hopeful wishes for a successful fight for your daughter.

Chebbles' Mama sent me.

 
At 3:47 PM, Blogger Sarah A said...

Dee, your strength is an inspiration. I wish so badly that there was somthing more I could do than send a supportive message. You and your gorgeous daughter (that hair! that nose!) and the rest of your family are in my heart.

 
At 4:03 PM, Blogger Miss W said...

She is truly beautiful, Dee.

I just found out all that you are going through -- we left for the weekend shortly after I read the post about her birth.

I know how hard the NICU can be though we were there under different circumstances. Your family, as always, are in my prayers. Anything that you need (from specific items to a sympathetic ear), you know that I am always here for you.

 
At 5:11 PM, Anonymous bri said...

Visiting via my good friend LaGiulia. Sending you lots of love and light for your family and your beautiful daughter. Take good care of yourself.

 
At 5:12 PM, Blogger Sarah said...

Dee, I want to mention three things...
1. Congratulations! Daniela is beautiful. Just beautiful -- and the hair!
2. I'm sorry things aren't exactly as you hoped, but I know she'll continue to do well as will you. You've got more strength than you know my friend, and we're all routing for you.
3. And finally, the name. I'm dying to know, was Daniela the name you picked out or A's?

 

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