Strangers in arms

So the other night I attended my very first infertility support group meeting. I'd been thinking that it was time I seek out other infertile folks in an effort for me to fully comprehend that I am not alone in this battle. Yes, it's a battle; every day for me is a battle. I battle not to cry and to hold it together, I battle to keep going just one more day, I battle to find my way to what the right things are to do. It's a constant fight and it's taking it's toll on my sanity.

Some days I feel completely "normal" but on others, there's no telling what can set me off. Sometimes it's the random kindness of someone else, or a song lyric, or someone cutting me off in traffic. Others is the obvious ones--like babies in strollers or diaper/home pregnancy test commercials. Yet on other days I'm completely impervious to these things...the sun shines brightly, I am at peace until the next time.

But I figured meeting other infertiles in the flesh would help me get through some of this. And I think it did that night and that it will continue to do so going forward. It was a diverse group for the most part and there was even a husband in attendance. It was nice and I heard so much there from others that I had been through or thought of myself. See...we really aren't alone even though everyone's infertility experience is completely different. We shared fears and experiences, and just good information. As they say, knowledge is power.

I'm trying to regain a sense of control over my physical and mental conditions. The mental is one thing--the physical is something else. Any exercise is currently on the backburner since we're actively cycling this month with injectables/IUI. I'm kinda missing the almost daily exercise routine and can't wait to get back to it but at the same time, I can easily get reacclimated to sitting around on my ass--lord knows, I did it for enough years before starting the exercise thing. I know there are arguments on both sides of the coin for exercising/not exercising (and caffeine/no caffeine, and so on) while cycling but I'd been told by a previous RE to treat my eggs as if I were carrying an actual dozen chicken eggs around, i.e., delicately and without any jarring motions, so I'm not exercising right now just to be on the safe side. I'll ask the doc at my CD8 bloodwork and u/s this week and see what he says.

So I sit around, waiting until Friday's appt., not exercising, not drinking caffeine (so basically I'm jonesing for both) but--best of all--I'm waiting for next month's support group meeting. Can't wait to hear and share more. I'm somewhat reassured that I'm not alone in this even though I feel as though I am most days.