Protesting cooter

Well, it's happened. My cooter is officially on strike. Apparently she is protesting her recent working conditions and decided to act up because of them. With this in mind, the following post will be filled with annoying uses of quotation marks on my part.

As you can imagine, as DH and I go through round after round of treatment, the actual act of "doing it" (aka intercourse for you techno-philes--and who among us infertiles isn't to some extent?) has lost some of its luster. So it goes without saying, however, that we've been trying to recapture some of that spark we once had as young, ignorant (read "unaware of our infertility") lovers. Imagine my drive for "all systems go" when the OPK showed a surge one day last week. Then imagine my added surprise when it showed another surge two days after the first one (with a negative in between the two).

Confound it--which to side with, if not both? I know, we'll just "do it" as much as possible during the four-to-six day window the two tests loosely indicated as "fertile" time. So we did it, and we did it, and then we did it some more. It sure felt good at the time(s) but now...not so much. I think maybe he knocked something loose in there (innane Kingpin reference after Woody Harrelson makes it with a "leggy" older gal). As for my own cooter, one particular part of her anatomy is inflamed, tender, and generally unhappy (at least the suffering is not bilateral--thank goodness for that; this kind of discomfort coming from both sides would be trying to say the least).

So now I try to get her back on the job. I beg, I cajole, and--as a last resort--I ply her with warm compresses and me with chocolate. These make her feel better for a little while but she's soon back to complaining. We may have to enter arbitration soon--damn cooter union! Hey--maybe we could all take a lesson from her: maybe us infertiles should form a union--maybe then the general public would realize that infertility is a medical condition and--even better--maybe insurance companies would mandatorily cover all infertility treatments. Way too many maybes and wishful thinking, I know. For now I'd just be happy with my own cooter calling off the strike. I need her back...at least in time for our next injectable/IUI cycle. She could really screw this up if I'm not careful. Speaking of maybes, maybe no more prolific love-making sessions over the span of a few days' time. Maybe that will placate us both in the long run.